Forget All the Handcrafted Cheese: French Crisps Represent Utterly Depraved.
I recently was staying in France, which was exuding refined charm. Discreet, sparkling decorations, village market booths overflowing with exquisitely fresh produce, and such an abundance of fromage capable of clogging the whole Eurotunnel with cholesterol. Heaping dishes of glistening shellfish on ice glimpsed through fogged brasserie windows. While observing a long but orderly line of elegant residents retrieving their craft Christmas cakes, I mused, with some guilt, that my home town, York, which becomes a modern reimagining of a scene of decadence during the festive season featuring vape pens in festive pie flavours and ready-to-drink concoctions, could learn some pointers.
The Sophisticated Front
But this entire “art de vivre” affectation proves to be an elegant facade – The nation is as prey to its lowest desires like any other place. Simply step inside any grocery store and you’ll see. The potato chip section is an absolute sink of depravity, crammed with the likes of *bleu d'Auvergne*, falafel, *carbonade flamande* and salted butter flavours. Who in their right mind tries chips that taste of butter? It’s like an item typical of one of those American fairs where they deep fry sticks of butter. One popular comic recently claimed they represent the pinnacle of snacking in her experience, though she has clearly succumbed to a form of local propaganda – she grew up in that very region.
A Global Lawlessness
I know the snack flavour business across the globe is just as anarchic as major tech firms. No one will permit the tuber to taste of itself, adorned only rightly by a simple, respectful sprinkle of sodium. Our own nation possesses a dark history when it comes to snack tastes across Britain, notably around Christmas. Not long ago, it should be remembered, gave us Christmas-cake flavoured crisps and special-release pastry-and-meat potato snacks. Furthermore, who can erase the memory of the occasion when a famous high-street chain thought “festive fizz and berries” made for a good idea for a savoury snack? I expected more from the home of haute cuisine.
What is the logical conclusion? Foie gras crisps? Profiterole? Tobacco-flavoured chips? I should stop, I’m only giving them ideas.
